Sango's Pain
by Milieva
Summary: The latest attack on the group is low, even for Naraku. Everyone is changed by it. Will Sango ever be okay again?
1. True Nightmare

The latest attack on the group is low, even for Naraku. Everyone is changed because of it. Will Sango ever be okay again?  
  
Sango's Pain  
  
By Laith Vorondil  
  
Chapter One: True Nightmares  
  
Sango threw a grenade at the demon. The small clearing filled with poisonous smoke as she leapt for her hiraikotsu. The demon was too fast for her. Before she reached her weapon it had sliced through the cord holding her mask over her face and, with that same stroke, cut down the length of Sango's right arm. Using her one good hand to hold the mask over her mouth, the taijia was left defenseless. With one more strike from the demon, she was sprawled on the ground. Her mask rolled out of her hand, and she was left to breathe the toxic fumes. It wasn't long before the darkness took over her world.  
  
The aching in her arm, woke Sango. Opening her eyes had been a bad idea. Everything in front of her seemed to swim in and out of shadows that she knew could not be there. Her head was pounding, and she felt sick to her stomach. Why was she still alive? She had been sure she was about to die. And what had happened to the demon they were fighting? A familiar silhouette came into focus over her. "Ah.how do you feel?" The monk was sitting between her and the fire so his features were not discernible, but he seemed to have a twinge of worry in his usually relaxed voice. "Terrible." was all she could manage to crock. She wanted to ask who had saved her and what had become of the demon they had been battling, but the poison vapor had stolen her voice for the time being. "I am sure you do. After taking in that many lung-fulls of your own toxins. You need to rest or else you will not be able to fight the effects of the poison." The taijia did not have enough energy to object. She knew that he was right. With a simple sigh she relaxed and fell into a deep dreamless sleep.  
  
A deep growl from Kirara reverberated through the clearing, waking Sango from her feverish sleep. Weakly she lifted herself to see what had caught her pet's attention. The small movement had made her nearly lose consciousness again. A shadowy figure was slinking toward the place Kagome was sleeping. Sango glanced up into the branches above her friend's sleeping palette to see Inuyasha struggling against some invisible bond. Kagome let out a bone-rattling scream when the demon touched her. As she shoved him away, a brilliant surge of light filled the clearing. Once her eyes had readjusted to the darkness, the taijia saw the figure writhing on the ground. She was so distracted by what was happening to her friend, Sango never heard the demons partner approach her from behind. Harsh, powerful hands slammed Sango's bruised body hard to the ground. She screamed, but no sound came from her scared throat. The look in her attacker's eyes terrified her. Summoning the last of her strength, she tried to pull herself free. He jammed her harder into the ground. "Where do you think you're going?" he spat. His hot, demon breath stung her eyes. He held her tightly by the neck as his other hand found what it was searching for and ripped the belt from around her waist and tore the yukata from her body. Sango fought hard to keep from crying, but when he lowered himself on top of her, she could hold them back no more. Awoken by Kagome's scream, Miroku found himself unable to move. He watched in horror as a shadowed figure crept up behind Sango while she was distracted by her friend's plight. As the figure tackled her, the monk shut his eyes, trying to will it to be a dream, but it wasn't a dream. It was a nightmare, a true nightmare. With the sound of each of Sango's fearful whimpers, Miroku's heart broke into smaller and smaller pieces.  
  
Both demons had disappeared back into the shadows of the forest before Kagome's watch had even ticked off a quarter of an hour. It was another fifteen minutes before the spell wore off and the group could move again. Inuyasha dropped silently out of the tree to check on Kagome. She was merely shaken; her tears were for her broken friend. With out a word, she gathered Shippou into her arms and did her best to comfort the terrified and confused kitsune. Miroku made his way across to where Sango lay. Kirara was licking the tears that were still running down her mistress's face. Kneeling down beside the Taijia, he drew her into his arms and wrapped her in the violet drape of his robes. Holding her tightly, her rocked as one might a child that had woken from a bad dream. He held her until her tears ceased to flow and her breathing was slow and even. He held her until the sun had risen over the horizon and Kagome tapped his shoulder, telling him it was time to leave. Blindly he trailed behind the others as they continued down the path they had been following the previous day. They were still two days out from Kaede's village and they were all hoping their attacker wouldn't make another appearance.  
  
To be continue.  
  
Okay.I think this story was inspired by this really bad fic I read that Sango was supposedly raped but she showed no emotion regarding it. It was kind of like " oh.by the way, I was raped today." What the hell was that? She was just too indifferent about such a harsh crime, ya know. Oh well, this is my take on the concept. I hope you like it. The next chapter should be more than two pages long. 


	2. Flames of Sorrow

(Author's note: I just realized that I forgot a disclaimer in the first chapter. Well here it is. I don't own Inuyasha. I wish I did. I don't even own DVDs of it. I have tapes that a friend copied for me, and I have the second movie. That's it. But any way.the lovely Rumiko Takahashi is the creator of our beloved Hanyou, and there is none better than her. ^_^)  
  
Sango's Pain  
  
By Laith Vorondil  
  
Chapter Two: Consumed by the Flame of Sorrow  
  
Sango's head was spinning when she awoke. She could tell by the light in the room that it was nearly sunset. Suddenly a silhouette blocked the gentle rays coming through the small window causing the poor girl to cringe with fear.  
  
"There, there. I am not going to hurt you. I was just checking to see how you were doing. Finally you have awoken."  
  
It wasn't until she recognized the figure as Kaede that Sango was able to relax again. The old woman turned her attention back to the herbs she had collected. "You know our monk friend has hardly left your side since he brought you back here. I do not believe he has eaten or slept in these four days. He is quite worried about you." The miko's quick eyes caught Sango searching the small room for Miroku. "He is not here now. I sent him out to gather a few more herbs I need to fight that nasty infection of yours. Here. Drink this. Drink it quickly." The old woman poured hot water and powdered herbs into an earthenware cup and handed it to her.  
  
Sango took the cup in her shaking hands; the harsh odor of the liquid made her eyes water. Timidly she gulped it down as Kaede instructed. The concoction was so bitter it made her gag. "What is that stuff?" she choked.  
  
"It is a contraceptive." Kaede stated calmly. Noticing the shocked expression on Sango's face she continued. "You have enough injuries to worry about without bearing a child that you do not wish for. It is too early to tell if you are with child. I doubt you are, but I do not wish to take the chance. I merely hope that I did not give you too much." The old miko took the cup from Sango's hands and made the girl lay back down. It wasn't long before the weakened taijia had fallen back to sleep.  
  
"She just woke up after being unconscious for four days and the first thing you give her is a *contraceptive*?" The monk spat at old woman as he entered the hut. "And what do you mean. You hope it wasn't too much?"  
  
Kaede went back to preparing dinner for her houseguests. "Would you want her to bear the child of her rapist?"  
  
"Well.no.but."  
  
"I am merely trying to do what I believe is best for her. The next thing she will be taking when she wakes again is an antibiotic and something to eat. As for your other question. if I miss judged the amount that I gave her, she may never be able to bear children."  
  
"Never be able to." Miroku unconsciously took a step back. If Sango wasn't able to bear children then he would not be able to have an heir, but what would that matter? If he didn't have an heir, then no more of his line would suffer the curse that now consumed his life. The only woman he ever truly wanted was Sango. Nothing would change that. He dropped down in the corner nearest the sleeping Sango, fighting his exhaustion but to no avail. He was asleep within minutes.  
  
Miroku's muscles ached when he awoke. He greatly regretted his choice of sleeping positions. Though it wasn't entirely his choice. It had been his body that decided it had had enough and wanted sleep. He stretched out his sore muscles and got to his feet. How long had he been asleep? Judging by the sun coming through the one window, a good fourteen hours. His gaze traveled from the window down to the place that Sango had been sleeping. She was gone. It was just then that he noticed the scent of smoke drifting into the small hut. Wondering at the scent, he went to the doorway and looked out. To his surprise he saw Sango watching a dying bonfire. It was not until he had begun to make his way over to her that he recognized chard bits Sango's blood stained yukata and sleeping roll amidst the ashes.  
  
"Sango?"  
  
At the sound of her name, the taijia turned to face him. Her gaze tore at the monk's heart. The hope that had once shone so brilliantly behind the pain she carried was gone. All that was left had been shadowed by a deep sorrow. He reached out to her but she shrugged off his touch. Heartbroken, Miroku sat down beside her. "I am glad that you have woken up. I was beginning to worry that you might not." Without saying a word, Sango weakly stood up and headed back toward Kaede's hut. "Sango?"  
  
Before stepping back into the hut, Sango paused in the doorway and turned to the monk behind her. "Please, just leave me alone."  
  
"Sango.I."  
  
"I don't feel like speaking to you right now."  
  
"But."  
  
"Houshi-sama, go." Reluctantly Miroku retreated down to the river that ran outside of the village.  
  
Miroku let out a heartfelt sigh as he collapsed into the cool grass. That look of Sango's had unsettled him greatly. He understood all of the pain and sorrow he saw in the depths of her eyes but what hurt him most was not merely the lack of light and hope but the terribly longing that he saw hidden in the darkness. "Sango." It was almost completely dark by the time Miroku decided to head back up to Kaede's hut.  
  
It seemed unusually quite when he entered the hut. Usually at least one person was talking at all times, and more often than not, Kagome and Inuyasha would be having an argument about some trivial matter. But Kagome had left shortly after the demon's attack, and Inuyasha was holding vigil over the well weighing the risk of being "sat" if he went after her. Everyone knew he would give in and go to her world because he missed her. Shippou had hardly said a word upon their return to the village and sat quietly most of the days. He was still quite confused about what had happen five days ago. Kaede was treating the wound on Sango's arm when the monk entered the hut. "Ah, Houshi-dono, since you are here now, would you please hand me those other bandages over there." Miroku politely handed the old woman the cloth bandages that were just out of her reach before retiring to the far corner of the room next to a forlorn kitsune.  
  
"Miroku?"  
  
"Hm.?"  
  
"Will Sango-chan be okay?"  
  
"Truthfully, I don't know." The monk gazed sadly over at his beloved taijia. She winced slightly as she put her arm backing into the sleeve the soft, blue kimono Kaede had found for her. Her eyes were blank. They showed none of the emotions he had seen there this afternoon. For a moment he wondered if he was the only that had seen them. His heart sank as he remembered the way she had looked at him. He knew he would give anything to see her smile again.  
  
To be continued.  
  
Okay, Okay. I know it wasn't all that long but I did reach the three-page mark. It is better than the two pages of the first chapter, ne? I hope you guys like this story. It is sad now but it will get a bit better. Please tell me what you think. I like hearing what my readers have to say about my stories. Until next chapter. adieu 


	3. Kimi no Egao Mitai Kara

Sango's Pain

By Laith Vorondil

Chapter 3: Kimi no Egao Mitai Kara

A/N: I just want to thank all of you who have reviewed this. I know it has been far too long since I updated, but please forgive me. My schedule, up until recently, has been quite hectic. I hope to update more often than I have with maybe a month or so between chapter and not over a year.

* * *

Sango pulled the fabric of her yukata tighter around herself; she couldn't sleep. Every time she closed her eyes, she could feel _his_ gaze on her. She could smell the stench of his body between the fabric and her skin. It wouldn't come off, no matter how many times she bathed. It was still there. Why wouldn't it come off? She rolled over, squeezing her eyes shut. A small trickle of tear drops trailed to the floor. Sango pushed her thoughts back to the dark recesses they resided in. Try as she might, sleep would no envelope her mind. Other thoughts began to circle her disquieted mind. Why did that damned monk not look at her any longer? At least not how he once had. That mischievous glint that shone brightly in his eyes was clouded with pity. She hated the way he gazed upon her now. Was she so disgusting now that any thought of her bearing his child was now pushed so far from his lecherous head?

Miroku watched the huddled form on the other side of the room. His heart broke as her shoulders shuttered in silent sobs. He found himself unable to sleep. All of his thoughts drifted to the broken taijia. He wanted nothing more than to hold her close and tell her that everything could be alright again. But a small voice in the back of his mind told him that should would not accept that. It told him that she could only ever view him as a man, and that men were scum, scum that went around raping women. But she wouldn't think that, she couldn't, could she? Small icy finger dug their way down his spine and into his heart.

* * *

The sun rose as cheerfully as she always did. Nothing ever changed her mood. Not even the tension in the air over Kaede's small hut. Sango sat quietly in a corner, looking at nothing in particular. Her eyes were glazed over. She stroked Kirara's fur absent mindedly. Nothing seemed to pull her attention. Miroku saw only Sango. His entire world was wrapped around her and any thought of how to bring her back to him. He just wanted to see her happy again. At the very least, he wanted her to smile, just once more. Kaede was sitting at the small hearth prodding the flame beneath a boiling pot. The delicious smell filled the cabin, but no one paid any mind. Shippou sat beside Kaede, desperate for company that might pay some faction of attention to him. The silence hung heavy in the stifled air of the hut. Hardly a word was spoken. Sango set her bowl on the floor a short time after it was handed to her. She was hungry, but she couldn't eat. Any appetite she had was spoiled by the _smell. _It covered every part of her life. She would not get rid of the stench, no matter how much she scrubbed. It was there. Under the light layers of cloth she wore. If she could smell it, so could the others. How could they tolerate it? She rose and walked out of the hut without a word.

The sun was warm on her skin. She made her way down to a secluded portion of the stream. She sat for a moment on the bank, before dropping her yukata on the ground and wading into the frigid water. She plunge herself into the water, scraping her fingernails over her skin. She scratched at the very fabric that held her body together, at the very thing that kept her alive though she would rather die. Anything to forget what had happened. She laid herself forward into the water, letting the icy cold wash over her body. It was not long before the blackness threatened to take her, stealing the small breath she held in her self made prison of liquid ice. Iron claws scraped at the back of her brain, but she welcomed the darkness; she drew it into herself. It would set her free.

* * *

Miroku tore Sango from the freezing water. His heart was pounding away in his throat. She couldn't die. He couldn't let her. He laid her out on the bank. The taijia's lips were blue. She was not breathing. Miroku's heart nearly stopped. _She is not dead._ He told himself. _She can't be._ He had to get the water from her lungs. Tilting her head slightly, he pressed into her chest. He shoved repeatedly with all of his strength. He swore he would even break her ribs if he had to make her breath again. Tears streamed down his face. He could not lose her again. He would not survive, could not, if she did not come back to her. "Sango! You damn well better come back." He found himself screaming at her. Never had he raised his voice to her. He hated the feeling. "Sango…Please…You cannot leave me to live life without you." Water gurgled slightly as it was released from her sodden lungs. He held her tightly to him, so tightly as to be painful for him. He didn't care. His world was wrapped up in the girl in his arms, and it was dying with her.

She gasped once then the coughing began. Miroku loosened his hold on her shivering body. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He sat froze for a moment before holding her closer. He did not even fight the urge to kiss her. He planted one on her cheek as her coughing fit began to subside. One wasn't enough. The one was followed by another, and another. He didn't stop until Sango croaked his name. "Houshi-sama?" The sound of her voice brought him back to the full reality of the situation. The poor girl was completely naked, soaking wet and sitting on his lap. He quickly sat her down on the ground and began to untie his robes. Her eyes widened in shock. She weakly began to move away from him. It was almost too strange a concept for his brain to grasp, but by the fear that he now saw in his eyes, Miroku guessed at the meaning of Sango's actions. He stopped and reached a hand towards her. She flinched away from his touch. "I promise I am not going to do anything to hurt you." He spoke as gently and slowly to her, as he might a wounded animal. "I would never." He quickly finished what he was doing and tossed the deep purple fabric around her shoulders.

* * *

It was well past dark when Sango woke. She found herself lying on the forest floor. Miroku was sitting on the other side of a small fire. She slowly sat up, and discovered that her yukata had been replaced. She wondered at Miroku's decision to set up a camp here, when Kaede's hut was such a short distance away. Her gaze followed the almost invisible trail that Miroku had taken to this spot, not very far away she could see the gently flowing stream, the one she nearly drown herself in. Why couldn't he just let her die? She wasn't anything to him. Her body was soiled and ruined. There was nothing left for him. Nothing was left for her to give him. She tried but did not manage to fight back the tears that dropped silently to the forest floor. "Houshi-sama…" She whispered softly to herself.

"Please don't do that again."

Sango jumped at the sound of his voice. She hadn't expected him to be so close to her. How could he move so fast? He gazed down at her. The pain in his eyes made her heart burn. How could he stand to look at her? Why was he still feeling sorry for her? She was nothing. Just a worthless sack of used flesh, but she would do anything to keep from remembering. She reached forward and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. She pulled herself into his lap and buried her face into his neck. She remembered the way he had kissed her earlier. She wanted to feel that again. To feel it would help erase this pain she felt, that she was sure of."Help me forget. Make me forget."

Miroku looked at her in shock. What was she doing? This wasn't Sango. It couldn't be. How many times had he longed to have her in this position? How many times had he dreamed of it? He could still feel the hands of the fantasy across his flesh, but this was not right. Not like this. No, he couldn't. Not now. "I cannot."

The taijia's eyes flew open. What had he just said? The perverted monk that wanted nothing more than to have some woman,_ any woman_, bear his child, would not even take her. Not even when she asked him to?

The hurt in her eyes was almost enough to make him change his mind, but this was not how he wanted her. Not like this. "You would hate me. Maybe not tonight, maybe not tomorrow, but you would grow to hate me if I did."

"I could never hate you."

"Yes, you would."

She looked up into his eyes. She saw compassion and love, but she also saw pity. The pity was what would make her hate him. She did not want to remember, but a tiny voice told her that he was right. This was not correct. Not here not now, but she wanted him to prove that she still had a choice. It was his hand that she hated. It stayed on her side, on her waist. Not once did it sink below her waist. Not once did it violate her space. He did not touch her, at least not how she had longed for him to. She hated him for that.

"I simply cannot. Not now. You must understand that."

"Why not? Am I too disgusting? Is it because I have no virginity left for _you_? Do I smell bad? Why won't you. What is you reason?"

"You are Sango. You are the only woman I have ever truly yearned for. I have wanted nothing more than to convince you of that, but I know that if I gave in tonight, you will hate me. I also know that you will hate me for not giving in tonight, but please believe me when I say that you would hate me more for consenting to be a means to you end. I want more form you than physicality, and I want to prove that to you."

* * *

The sun was beginning to rise when Sango next opened her eyes. Foggily she recalled the events of the evening before. Had that been last night? It felt ages away. She glanced about her. Miroku was sitting a short distance to her left. He was watching her. He was not obvious about it, but she could tell. She felt a pang of anger towards the monk. Why had he really refused her last night? She couldn't believe what he had told her. _'You would hate me for it'_ He had said. The damn monk would hate himself for touching that which was no longer his to take, her injured brain told her. She was not fit for his or any man's love. Who was she kidding? No one would ever, could ever, want her. She repeated to herself. It was slowly becoming her mantra.

Miroku rose once he was sure his companion was fully awake. He acknowledged her and began to walk toward the path they had used yesterday. A gentle rustle of fabric told him that she was following. She was still in pain from her wounds. Usually she was completely silent as she walked. Maybe the loss of blood was still having an impact on her decision making process. She would never have requested such a thing from him otherwise. Right? He would not tell the other anything of what had transpired the evening before. They would worry too much over Sango if they knew she had attempted to kill herself. That was the last think the taijia would want. She hated the attention she was receiving as it was. She may not have said anything in that regard, but he could tell. One could not have traveled with someone so long and not notice these things. He missed the old Sango, but he still loved this Sango. He wanted her to happy even if only for moment. May be he should have given in to her last night? No, she would even grow to loathe him for that if he had. That would have been taking advantage of a wounded woman's heart.

* * *

Author's note: Sorry for the shortness of the chapter, I hope to have more finished soon. I apologize again for how long it has taken me to post a third chapter to this fanfic. Feel free to e-mail me or even to visit my website at I have three anime shrines in the works. My Inuyasha shrine is the last one I have been working on. This fic as well as other, I hope to mirror on that site, until then, please check under the penname Milieva. I post there first and then submit to YtoN.

If you happen to be reading this on please review and show your support. I like to have some idea of how many people actually read my fics. Drop a line and say hi.


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